From Ashes to Beauty - Our Story of Miscarriage - Part 1

Oct 28, 2016

Is This Real?!

Did you know that October Pregnacy & Infant Loss Awareness month? Every October, I often find myself thinking about our first pregnancy. Today I want to take a moment to share with you our story...

(Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick) "I'm sorry Mrs. Ledford, I hate to be the one to tell you, but it looks as though you are, in fact, miscarrying your baby. Your HCG numbers have dropped significantly since Thursday. Your body has to get back down to zero before we can say that your miscarriage is definitive, but you are close. I'll schedule a follow up with your primary OB for next week. I truly am sorry." I will never forget the look in that sweet doctor's face. I had cried until I had no more tears left, but in that moment I felt like I could lose it all again. I knew that if I had allowed myself to start again that he would start bawling too. He was a Christian man, and the look in his eyes are forever burned in my heart. That doctor's kindness and gentleness in that moment was everything I needed to pick myself up so that I could go home and continue to grieve my loss. The pain in my heart was the worst thing I'd ever felt in my life.

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Let's go back to where it all began. When I was about 20 years old, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Long story short is that it's when you have multiple cysts on your ovaries. It causes you to be insulin resistant and not ovulate, among a host of other things. The syndrome is prevalent in the women on the maternal side of the family. While my mom was able to have two children, one of my aunt's had multiple miscarriages, and ended up completing her family through adoption. My doctor's had told me that due to my family history, that there was a strong possibility that I would never conceive on my own. I was told that metformin (a medication for diabetics) had been proven to help women with PCOS because it regulates their insulin/hormones, and that I could go on that. It would be also be likely that I'd need fertility drugs or In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) if I wanted to conceive on my own... and even then, it could be difficult to carry a child.

By the time my husband and I married, we had come to terms that there was a strong possibility that we might have to adopt. We had talked about it, and were content with whatever plan God chose for our family, whether that meant with or without children.

We never actively tried to get pregnant, we wanted to let things happen in God's time. In May 2011, we got quite a surprise! I had come home from work several days just completely spent from exhaustion. I would lay down at 5 or 6pm and sleep until the next morning. When I was at work, it just felt like my "get up and go" just got up and went. My friend, Hayley, asked if I thought I was pregnant? I told her no (because, you know, PCOS, my ovaries don't work right). I truly didn't think I was because I hadn't had a cycle in months (which is common with PCOS). I just thought I was exhausted.

Later that night, I took a pregnancy test, and to my surprise, it was positive! I couldn't believe it. We had prayed and prayed for years that we'd have a child of our own some day.

We called our parents and all were thrilled. Then we called the OB. They had an opening that Thursday. The next 3 days were spent dreaming about our new family, and loosely making plans for adjusting our travel for that Christmas. So that Thursday, we go to the doctor, they did bloodwork, and tested my HCG levels. My doctor was concerned that it was just under where it should have been due to the dates of my last cycle. However, they said that due to the PCOS and abnormal ovulation, the date could be off. They said they would re-test me the next week just to be sure.

After our appointment, we went about our normal life... just a little more excited about our new family member!

Come back tomorrow for Part 2 of our story!

In Christ,