Kidney Update

Every day is a new adventure... and this one has been.

Though I have been pretty open & transparent with what's happening to me, I haven't shared everything.

12 days before Christmas, I sat in metal chair in the doctors office, hearing the word "Transplant". Excuse me? Didn't we meet the goal? Why aren't we waiting to see if my creatinine improves now that we have achieved a normal blood pressure? Kidneys take forever to heal. WHAT. IS. HAPPENING?! My mind was racing in a thousand different directions, and it took everything I had to fight back tears.

In December, my nephrologist sat me down and told me that the blood pressure we'd worked so hard to resolve was irrelevant and that my kidneys would never heal. He talked to me about the different types of dialysis, and told me he was immediately (i.e. - that day) referring me for a kidney transplant. He gave me a flyer about dialysis & transplants and told me to call the number and schedule a class and to learn all about what was getting ready to happen to me. Then he told me that fortunately, I was a nice person & compliant patient so I'd likely get bumped up on the list because the transplant people hate working with people that are rude and non-compliant. My understanding was that he wanted to be proactive in getting me on the transplant list early, in hopes that I can get a kidney before before I require dialysis. Then, off to the lab to get another blood draw.

I held it together until I made it out of the sliding glass doors at the entrance of the doctor's office. Then the flood gates opened and the tears flowed like a river. I was in shock. What just happened to me? The first thing I did was call James. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Then, I called my parents. My dad & bonus mom listened carefully as I relayed the information in between sobs. They encouraged me intently and reminded me of God's promises, that He's still the Ultimate Healer, and that I can rest in His Sovereignty. Then, they went to battle in prayer. The next call was to one of my best friends. We had chatted right the appointment and she made me promise that I'd call her as soon as I knew anything. She listened, just as heartbroken as I was, and encouraged me to seek a second opinion, which I thought was a wise recommendation.

The next week was a blur. Tears daily. Constant battle between flesh and faith. My faith had me clinging to God's promises. My flesh had me asking questions like why this was happening me, what did I do to deserve this, etc.? How will dialysis affect my life? How will we afford an operation? Will we have to sell our home and move again?

The healthcare system J works for doesn't do these kind of surgeries, so we have to go out of our network. My choices are Wake-Forest, Duke, or UNC Chapel Hill. Though the insurance will pay for some, it will be a significant cost since all are out of our network.

Many prayers were prayed. I've said, "God, I just don't understand... I will walk this road if that's what You ask of me, but I don't want to."

So, here I am today, in stage 5 Renal Failure, and referred for a kidney transplant. The good in all of this is that I am still using the bathroom like normal, and the rest of my labs are all in the normal range, so hopefully that will keep me off of dialysis.

As we wait to meet with the transplant team, I continue to live life as normally as possible. I am still homeschooling our children, working, and hosting my small group bible study. We continue to do what we can and minister to others in the midst of the wait.

I have made it over the hump of the initial shock, coming to terms with all that has happened. I get to choose how I handle all the information I've been given. I can either get sad & depressed, or I can be grateful I'm still alive and thankful for today. So I've chosen joy. I choose to smile and be hopeful in the midst of this.

This week, we got positive news, my creatinine came down from 5.77 to 5. So our prayer is that number continues to fall, and for complete healing. We have read several encouraging stories recently of people who have been healed from kidney disease, and we are praying that it my testimony too.

We are praying for a mighty miracle. James says things happen medically all the time that they can't explain at the hospital and that God is still in the miracle business. So we are clinging to that HOPE that God will do just one more miracle in my life. I truly believe that my body will be healed, in God's way, on His time. Until then, we praise Him in the sunshine and the storms.

Kimberly