Personal Revival

This week, things are still moving slow. I got a call from the infusion center on Monday to get started, but I was dropping the kids off at co-op and missed the call. I've called them back 4 times over the last 2 days and can't get through to anyone, so I'm not really sure what to do about that other than to keep trying and keep leaving messages. Hopefully we can start soon! The only thing we are waiting on is an insurance approval and start date, otherwise, everything else is done.

The headaches & nausea/vomiting from the meningitis vaccine have finally gone away - Praise Jesus! I have to get a booster in about 6 weeks, so I am praying the second round won't be as bad.

My follow-up with the kidney doctor Monday was just "eh". The doctor doesn't think I'll ever get better, and reiterated that. I told James when I got home from the appointment that I hate going to the kidney doc appointments. There's always a "but" that leads to bad news every single time. "I'm glad you feel great, but..." or "You look great, but...". He said that he had a conference call with the hematologist to catch him up.

Then, the kidney doc said... "I'm so glad you're feeling great, but... I'm recommending a dialysis cathether placed within the next 4-8 weeks." He basically said that he wanted to start small on dialysis and ease me into it instead of waiting until I start going downhill and then doing it. Ugh. This is so frustrating. I understand he doesn't think I'll ever be healed, but we haven't even started infusions yet, and now he wants to jump right into dialysis. Good grief. When I got home from the appt, J and I sat on the back porch and he gave me the space I needed to talk about it. James said I don't have to rush into it and I can request to wait. He and I are on the same page and prefer to at least get a 2 or 3 infusions under our belt before starting dialysis if possible.

I'm not really sure what to do. My nurse friends that have connections to it don't recommend my kidney office. They all think it is sub-par, but it's the only one in our healthcare system's network. I am currently looking for another one, but I have to consider insurance, costs, travel, etc. Basically, I feel stuck. I don't dislike my doctor as a person, but I do feel like he's too young and inexperienced (only practicing independently for a couple of years) to be managing such a complicated & unique case. The hematologist says he will be taking over as my primary once the genetic testing comes back, so I feel like I'm at an impass here. Should I wait it out or should I go ahead and start looking for an aHUS specialist? I'm praying for wisdom and guidance on what to do.

Aside from that appointment, the last few days have been relatively normal around here! Infection rates have dropped significantly in our area over the last few weeks, so I got let out of my bubble! I got to take my son to his basketball game on Saturday (the 2nd game of the season I've got to attend), went to church on Sunday - twice, ran errands on Monday, and had dinner with a dear friend on Tuesday!

I have so desperately wanted to be back at church. Virtual is a nice option to have when you can't be there, but nothing compares to the connection & love of people! Every single Sunday, I ask J when I can go back, and this week was it. Sunday morning was precious. When I walked in, a couple of my closest friends were the first people I saw. They gave me hugs and we chatted! Another sweet friend walked up and hugged me with tears in her eyes. I almost lost it in that moment. Worship time was what my soul desperately needed. I fought back tears through most of the songs. My pastor preached a great sermon, and then I picked up my kiddos from their classes. They were THRILLED and loved being back at church... they excitedly told me about their children's church lesson! Being back was exactly what our whole family needed!

Have you ever heard the phrase, "be careful what you pray for"?

Before I ever got sick, I was praying for a personal revival. Though it seemed like one crisis after the next has happened in our lives over the last few years, there was something missing. I was leaning on the Lord to get through it all, but something just felt off. I felt like I was losing that fire inside of me. So, I prayed that God would spark a new fire inside of me, and boy did He ever. I mean, kidney failure and an ultra-rare syndrome wasn't quite what I had in mind when I prayed that prayer, but I'm actually glad I've had to go through this experience. It's been incredibly HARD, but He's taught me so much in the process. In the middle of the hard, God has revealed Himself in new ways, and taught me so many lessons that I would have never been able to understand otherwise... the most prominent lesson being to trust what I cannot see.

It's so easy to take little things for granted, and getting the chance to do "normal" things has given me so much energy! My cup is overflowing, and I am grateful for God's goodness in my life. Despite all that's happening to me right now, He is sustaining me and encouraging me. Each step of the way, He is growing & refining me too. My faith is restored & stronger, my marriage is stronger, my family is more connected, and our story is reaching many.

He's given me a fun project regarding "worship" in the middle of the mess that has been a balm to my soul. That project has been like a puzzle, with the Lord building it one piece at a time. Watching that come together has been so fun! We are almost finished, but there are still some gaps left to be filled before the project is ready for the world to see. The few people that I've told about it are so excited and can't wait for God to finish it. I will share more with you when the time is right!

So, here I am today, living in my own personal revival with the Lord and in awe of all the little miracles, blessings, and lessons I've seen along the way. May He get all the glory!

Kimberly